Grave Expectations Blog

What if you were to celebrate a loved one’s life instead of mourning their passing? That is what funeral celebrants are trying to impress upon those who have lost a loved one. The time a person has spent with us is precious and it is so important to remember that and appreciate that, even during our time of loss.

A funeral celebrant is a person who creates a unique and special ceremony for someone who has passed. Typically the ceremony is not religious and, as the name suggests, the ceremony looks at the positive side of the person’s life, rather than the negative side of their death.

Clergy or people who are connected with a church generally have been the person in charge of a funeral. They would be a pastor or a father and would say a prayer at the ceremony. The president of the National Funeral Directors Association said up to 50% of American’s are not part of a church. So why would someone without connection to a church want a religious ceremony at their funeral? Many people don’t’ see the value in a religious funeral ceremony and would rather have a gathering with a different approach. One that is not connected with religion, but more with the people they knew and loved. Over time this is becoming synonymous with funeral celebrants: a non religious funeral ceremony.

A funeral celebrant is someone that can work at the funeral home or can be an independent provider. Many funeral homes today are seeing the need for a funeral celebrant so it is a good idea to ask if they have one staff. The job of a funeral celebrant is to connect with the family and deceased and provide something meaningful and something that helps represent their life.

You will find that funeral celebrants come from all walks of life, often saying that the reason they become a celebrant is because of the people. If you are interested in becoming a funeral celebrant you should have a connection with people, be able to handle the environment of people mourning around you and be comfortable with public speaking. Funeral Director’s Chat had a discussion with Glenda Stansbury where she talked about her celebrant training institute and what it’s like to help families celebrate a life. Another trainer of funeral celebrants is Life Appreciation training, where Bill Bates provides on site training to those interested in becoming a celebrant.

This has been a guest blog post by Tyler Fraser

Cremation Jewelry is a Growing Trend

Cremation jewelry is becoming more popular every day, for many reasons.  While some once thought that anything to do with cremation was macabre or taboo, many are coming to understand the healing power that jewelry and other keepsake memorials provide.  While it may be new to you, cremation jewelry is thought to go back as far as the 15th or 16th century, when even those as famous as Queen Victoria were known to cherish jewelry that was made with the hair of a departed loved one, which was woven into bracelets and lockets.  Hair resists decay and remains intact for hundreds and perhaps even thousands of years, which is why it was chosen for this purpose. It is still common to hold a lock of hair in a keepsake. Today, cremation jewelry is made in a way that allows the wearer to carry the cremated remains, a lock of hair or some other token that is special or dear to their heart.  This jewelry helps many deal with the grief and loss they are feeling.  It also helps give the wearer a feeling of peace, and keeps their beloved close to their heart symbolically and in reality.

One benefit of today's cremation jewelry is that much of it is made so that it looks like any other jewelry you would purchase.  This means that you can wear something sacred to you, and others won't know what it is or make comments that may be upsetting to you. Another detail that many people do not realize about cremation jewelry is that some is designed to target a particular area.  For example, their are selections for those who may have lost a baby or child, or even a pet.  Guardian angels, heart shaped lockets, and praying hands are a few of the popular designs available, and you will find this exquisite jewelry in gold, silver, stainless steel, glass, wood and cobalt blue.  There are literally several cremation jewelry designs, so that you can choose the piece that perfectly suits your needs.

While some may find it depressing or odd to carry a passed person's cremated remains with them, people are affected in their own ways when the death of a loved one occurs.  For many, it is a very reassuring way to remember the ones they love, and the memories evoked often allow those who mourn to put the pieces of their life back together so that they can continue forward. Cremation jewelry may not be for everyone, but it certainly offers comfort and soothing to the hearts of many.

This has been a guest blog post by www.inthelighturns.com/

 Today we learned how to link to other websites and tomorrow we're learning how to add photos and maybe more!  In the meantime, here is a wonderful website that we love - which sells lovely, solid glass headstones and monuments (custom or otherwise). The company is called Lundgren Monuments and it's a Seattle company - very innovative - with designs that are classic and yet cutting edge and unique. (Our great and very patient web designer - Anastasia at "Juxtaprose" - is located in Seattle.) Take a look at the Lundgren designs and tell us what you think!  We LOVE glass and love the idea of these ephemeral monuments, with sunlight flowing through them and illuminating the messages there. Something heavenly about them.  

Now everyone can't have a funeral like this incredible man, but it's in the spirit of what we are recommending people do for their own funerals/memorial services. And one of the reasons we say people should plan their own funerals now is because if you do it, you can take it further than your family and friends most likely ever would (if that's what you want. This applies to people who want to push the envelope a bit to leave a lasting impression.) Oddly, they hold back out of "respect" for the person who has died - and quite frankly, that's ridiculous. No one would be respecting me if they didn't have jokes, laughter, great music, booze and wonderful stories at my funeral. Would you "respect" me like that if you were throwing a birthday party for me when I was alive? Hell no - so don't do it when I'm dead.

So if you do take your funeral planning further than is traditionally acceptable, you will reflect who you were and your life in its individual glory, more perfectly than anyone else could. It will be perfect in its imperfections. And this is something I will repeat over and over again so much that you will probably gag - but it is a great gift in a very difficult time to those who love you. It will be unbelievably healing because it will make them think about how wonderful life in its totality can be - with all its ups and downs, innocence, craziness, sweetness, sidetracks, emotional roller coasters, moments of Grace, fear, madness and love. It can be one of those experiences where the individual represents the whole, and in this case - the whole of life itself. That's the nature of funerals and that's one of the reasons we just love them!

Read full post.

I had written a long, way too detailed blog about our trip to Toronto and Cleveland for some TV shows we did, but I will save you the misery of possibly reading through it to see if something interesting happens. It doesn't -  so it's out. New blog! But part of the blog wasn't so travel related and it was interesting, so I'm including that here. I will say that without an editor or a co-author to keep you in check, this blogging can get to be addictive and self-indulgent (my Dad used to call it diarrhea of the mouth. That gives you an idea where I came from). So forgive me as I try to find the balance, now that I know how to blog!

My friend Christine DeBano recently went to a wonderful memorial service in New York City for an unusual man - Frankie Manning, and I wanted you to hear the story about her experience. His service is a great example of a memorial (or funeral) service that is all about LIFE and in his case, an incredible life. (But we truly believe everyone has an incredible life - even if you don't see it.) Here's her wonderful report - it will make you wish you had been there. (Many thanks to Christine for sharing this!! We appreciate it!)

"On May 22, 2009, I had the privilege of attending the memorial service for Frankie Manning, a 94 year old Lindy hopper who had toured the world and appeared in several films. He had died April 27th, a month before his 95th birthday. He was a prominent dancer in the 30's, but upon the demise of the Swing Era, he took a job at the post office, where he worked for 30 years. He was rediscovered in the 80's and went on to win a Tony Award of Choreography for Black and Blue. He was seventy five years old. 

Read full post.

We're very excited to continue our book tour with three upcoming appearances in Virginia. On August 27th, we'll be doing a morning TV show in Richmond, VA on WTVR-CBS sometime between 9 AM and 10 AM, we don't have the exact time. So watch for us if you're in the area.

Also, we'll be doing a book reading and signing at a great Richmond bookstore - the Fountain Bookstore at 1312 East Cary Street, (804) 788-1594.  It starts at 6:30 PM. We'd love to meet you and hope you can come by.

Then, on August 28th, we'll be doing a morning TV show in Portsmouth, VA - on WAVY-TV 10 & FOX 43 at approximately 7:30 AM. Hope you're up early! Wish us well so our brains will be firing on all cylinders and we'll have great word recall without lots of stumbling on words. Normally none of that happens (hah!), but just in case it's good to get the support! Thanks!

 We've been very bad bloggers and haven't kept up with our website and we apologize. But we're getting new lessons and expect to be semi-experts (or at least able to blog in its most primitive form.) So please forgive any obvious mistakes you see and be patient and you will be rewarded!

This time we weren't kidding, Carmen and Sue got up at 4:30am this morning (Thursday, April 2, 2009) and traveled to 30 Rock to appear on the Today Show. The long awaited interview happened!  The segment aired at about 8:45am and lasted about 4 minutes.  The response from loyal fans has been tremendous!  After the show they went to the St. Regis Hotel for breakfast and celebratory mimosas. Also on the show today was ER's Noah Willey, and Elmo from Sesame Street—a perfect pair to wrap around Carmen and Sue's Interview.  If you missed the interview click here to watch on the Today Show website.

Carmen and Sue spent the afternoon napping! Thanks so much to everyone who sent the cool green coffins and unusual urns to dress the segment.

Thursday, Carmen and Sue were interviewed on AARP Radio to discuss the book. The interview, which focused a lot on traditional funerals, went for over thirty minutes. There was lots of good information and stories, some of which Mike, the host, found humorous (at least he was laughing a lot). To hear a recording of the broadcast go to AARP Radio Website (we imagine a link to the interview will be posted soon).

Sorry to those of you who watched The Today Show and didn't see us... don't worry we were bumped for more Obama Inauguration coverage. We will be rescheduled soon, but we are waiting to hear when. We will post here the moment we know, so check back often. It will be a great segment with lots of end of life products that you've probably never seen or even imagined. On Thursday, we will be doing a live radio interview with AARP Radio.  Check your local listings for station and time.